Tag Archives: job

Drinking University: The Key To Keep a Job

I know I’ve been slacking. Alot going on…
I haven’t posted the weekly advice I promised. But I’ll make up for that now. It’s never too late to receive advice.

The key to maintaining a job, whether it’s as a Vice President at Company X or putting together the hamburgers at McDonald’s, is showing up at the time people expect you there. When you arrive at work and you hear, “So-and-so is looking for you,” that’s not a good sign. Yep, just gotta be there, folks. 75% of the battle.

1. Make sure you arrive at work. Get there. Do whatever it takes. Do whatever you physically/mentally/financially need to do the night before/morning of to make sure that you wake up with enough time to get your butt through the door of your workplace so that your face is seen at a time that is normal (for you).

Quotation-Parker-Stevenson-work-time-best-morning-Meetville-Quotes-189694-1

The second, although not as big, is putting on airs, or keeping up appearances. I suck at this, because my facial expressions always give me away, and I can’t lie to save my life, but you can do much better than me.

You need to never discuss your W’s – the what/who/why/when/where of what took place the evening/morning prior. If anyone asks, you cooked dinner and fell asleep early. You have a: cold, bad allergies, your dog died, the beginnings of the flu, a stomach virus, MAKE SOMETHING UP. Or self-medicate. Two excedrin or Advil the night before and if necessary, Tums the next day. Power through.

2. You also need to keep up the charade the rest of the week, so be a bit mindful.

I’d like to dive more into appearances. When you are put together everyday at work, it makes the rough days even that much easier, and you’re less prone to suspicion. When you have nice things, like designer purses and expensive shoes, no one is going to guess that you’re so hungover a small child could get drunk if you gave them mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. They’re going to think you’re sick, or maybe you’re pregnant!? I’ve actually had colleagues ask me when they noticed I wasn’t feeling well. I’ve erupted into laughter, and then thrown up in the women’s restroom an hour later from sheer panic.

3. So, look nice, EVERYDAY, and make sure to not be that sloppy, dirty girl/guy at work. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you are that person.

The final bit is of course, make sure you get your work done. Pay attention to your email, take your phone with you at all times, and don’t turn it on silent, even if a text message sounds like an earthquake in your brain. Go for a walk around the block if you get sleepy. You’ll live to see another sunrise, and even though you’ll promise yourself you aren’t going to do this again, this will happen again. You’re human and prone to error.

4. Do some work, nothing tedious, nothing in Excel, and anything from higher ups IMMEDIATELY.

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