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Bad Actress

Everything stopped. Suddenly.
And that was how the year went.
Men came into her life without any reason other than to take what they needed, perhaps take her to some fancy places, and then slip into obscurity without any good-bye.

The sad girl noticed that she felt less and less every time she dated someone new. Her feelings were disappearing….love was surely gone after the last liar, happiness was only a hope, loneliness had taken a hiatus, “the why” of it all was gone, anger had faded, “the miss” of that special guy was forgotten, and now the last to leave, despair…

She noticed that the men came back in cycles and with each reappearance she would feel even less, and another feeling would be lost. Their reappearances could be just for fun or sometimes promises of a glimmer of something real. The sad girl started not to feel sad anymore… She didn’t feel anything… she didn’t want anyone and made no effort. She’d go home, take off her clothes, wrap herself in her white duvet, and wonder why she couldn’t want or miss any of the men she pined for only weeks prior.

Their reappearances seemed to make the pretending even harder. She couldn’t dig up any feelings to show them. ‘Empty saddles,’ she thought, and shrugged her shoulders as she walked into Duane Reade to buy some candy, with a basket of text messages unreturned. She had nothing to say; she couldn’t even muster up a sarcastic response. Who was she?

The numb girl wandered the streets in her free time, eating her favorite foods, taking classes and having fun. She wondered if, when a good man, the right man, came along, if she’d have any feelings left, if there’d be anything to feel for him, if she would ever be able to feel again, or if he would just have to be in love with a bad actress.

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