Monthly Archives: May 2014

Bad Actress

Everything stopped. Suddenly.
And that was how the year went.
Men came into her life without any reason other than to take what they needed, perhaps take her to some fancy places, and then slip into obscurity without any good-bye.

The sad girl noticed that she felt less and less every time she dated someone new. Her feelings were disappearing….love was surely gone after the last liar, happiness was only a hope, loneliness had taken a hiatus, “the why” of it all was gone, anger had faded, “the miss” of that special guy was forgotten, and now the last to leave, despair…

She noticed that the men came back in cycles and with each reappearance she would feel even less, and another feeling would be lost. Their reappearances could be just for fun or sometimes promises of a glimmer of something real. The sad girl started not to feel sad anymore… She didn’t feel anything… she didn’t want anyone and made no effort. She’d go home, take off her clothes, wrap herself in her white duvet, and wonder why she couldn’t want or miss any of the men she pined for only weeks prior.

Their reappearances seemed to make the pretending even harder. She couldn’t dig up any feelings to show them. ‘Empty saddles,’ she thought, and shrugged her shoulders as she walked into Duane Reade to buy some candy, with a basket of text messages unreturned. She had nothing to say; she couldn’t even muster up a sarcastic response. Who was she?

The numb girl wandered the streets in her free time, eating her favorite foods, taking classes and having fun. She wondered if, when a good man, the right man, came along, if she’d have any feelings left, if there’d be anything to feel for him, if she would ever be able to feel again, or if he would just have to be in love with a bad actress.


Green-Eyed Despair Full of Love

There was a boy I knew,
When the cool wind blew on the wild nights,
Led to the lazy days where the birds chirped outside the window.
The drinks overflowed with bubbles,
Our crinkled faces were met with friendly faces of toothy grins.

His big, bright, round green eyes
Looked out at me with
Childish curiosity,
Bursting with anxiety and excitement,
Mixed with an intense cloudiness of sadness.

I wanted him to love,
I wanted so much,
Like a child.

His big, bright, peridot gems
Looked out at me with
Fear and such sadness
Paralyzing him and myself in a moment,
A moment of sadness I have never before witnessed in another,
This time,
I needed him to love,
I needed so much,
Like a child on fire,
I would burn him.

I kept away from the wild nights as the wind grew colder,
It didn’t lead to lazy days and the birds left as days grew shorter.

I wanted him to love,
I needed so much,
Like a child I gave and took,
And now he does.

Drinking University: The Key To Keep a Job

I know I’ve been slacking. Alot going on…
I haven’t posted the weekly advice I promised. But I’ll make up for that now. It’s never too late to receive advice.

The key to maintaining a job, whether it’s as a Vice President at Company X or putting together the hamburgers at McDonald’s, is showing up at the time people expect you there. When you arrive at work and you hear, “So-and-so is looking for you,” that’s not a good sign. Yep, just gotta be there, folks. 75% of the battle.

1. Make sure you arrive at work. Get there. Do whatever it takes. Do whatever you physically/mentally/financially need to do the night before/morning of to make sure that you wake up with enough time to get your butt through the door of your workplace so that your face is seen at a time that is normal (for you).


The second, although not as big, is putting on airs, or keeping up appearances. I suck at this, because my facial expressions always give me away, and I can’t lie to save my life, but you can do much better than me.

You need to never discuss your W’s – the what/who/why/when/where of what took place the evening/morning prior. If anyone asks, you cooked dinner and fell asleep early. You have a: cold, bad allergies, your dog died, the beginnings of the flu, a stomach virus, MAKE SOMETHING UP. Or self-medicate. Two excedrin or Advil the night before and if necessary, Tums the next day. Power through.

2. You also need to keep up the charade the rest of the week, so be a bit mindful.

I’d like to dive more into appearances. When you are put together everyday at work, it makes the rough days even that much easier, and you’re less prone to suspicion. When you have nice things, like designer purses and expensive shoes, no one is going to guess that you’re so hungover a small child could get drunk if you gave them mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. They’re going to think you’re sick, or maybe you’re pregnant!? I’ve actually had colleagues ask me when they noticed I wasn’t feeling well. I’ve erupted into laughter, and then thrown up in the women’s restroom an hour later from sheer panic.

3. So, look nice, EVERYDAY, and make sure to not be that sloppy, dirty girl/guy at work. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you are that person.

The final bit is of course, make sure you get your work done. Pay attention to your email, take your phone with you at all times, and don’t turn it on silent, even if a text message sounds like an earthquake in your brain. Go for a walk around the block if you get sleepy. You’ll live to see another sunrise, and even though you’ll promise yourself you aren’t going to do this again, this will happen again. You’re human and prone to error.

4. Do some work, nothing tedious, nothing in Excel, and anything from higher ups IMMEDIATELY.