Drinking University: Welcome!

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Studente/Studentessa,

Welcome to Drinking University! Congratulations on your acceptance! You’ve been accepted based upon your ability to party like a champion on the weekends and slowly watch your professional life disintegrate.

As the Dean of Drinking University, I have been in your place, and I can say that the courses provided here, free of charge, will teach you how to prevent letting everyone in your life know that you have a problem and possibly, end your “problem” altogether.

Luckily, you were rejected by Alcoholism College by lack of disease and addiction. You have the inability to continue drinking into the Monday morning workday AND manage to keep a full-time job, driver’s license and sanity. You’re doing something right. Just try to get somewhere on time. Anywhere, in fact would be a start.

Sincerely,

THE DEAN

xoxo

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